I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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