Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
