i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
