my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
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