Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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