I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
