discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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