He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
