Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
