Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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