I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
