Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
