his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I still have a little drunk in my system
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
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