You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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