sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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