So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
