we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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