Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
