dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
