too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
