I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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