3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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