I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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