Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
