38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
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