dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
