Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
