a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
