That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
