Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
What happened to fro yo and sex?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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