i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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