Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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