you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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