8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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