My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
