my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
