I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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