When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
