Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize