His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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