im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
