Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
