i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
ugly people sure do ruin things
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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