i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
