I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
