I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
