if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
honey bunches of taint.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
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