you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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