At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
