the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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