You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
